i started drinking herbal tea sometimes i think one major life upheaval will be enough for now. i didn't even check the ingredients list first. ask again in a couple of weeks maybe i'll be ready then.
( actually he would very much like to stay off track, but considering he started the conversation in the first place that's probably not an option...
...besides, maybe he wants to talk a little. )
at least he wasn't your "best friend"
someone someone told me that he was involved with someone and it's just stupid i don't understand how there was a different version of me just running around doing all the things that i wanted to do but first and without it all blowing up his face
and i can't yell at myself so i just ended up getting mad at that person instead.
[ BUT JSYK... Jeff's holding you to this and there's definitely going to be a meditation date in a couple of weeks. ]
oh fuck
maybe it wasn't as easy as it seemed for him either maybe he was here for a long time and it took a lot of work to build himself up to trying all these things you wanted to do
like... maybe it's a sign that things won't blow up for you either?
sorry. you're probably not looking for optimism and silver linings right now
you don't have to answer but that someone he was with is that someone you want to be with too? is that why you got mad?
[ Because, look, Jeff can certainly infer a lot right now, but he'd rather have Eddie tell him whatever he's comfortable with before launching into any deep dives about THE RICHIE THING.
If this is about Richie.
Which he's, like, 95% sure it is.
But, as they say: to assume is to make an ass of u and me! ]
i don't know, i probably knew what i was getting messaging you. a little optimism is probably better than wallowing.
( there's a lot of dot-dot-dots cycling as eddie writes about a thousand versions of the same response. he feels so loud about his feelings for richie, he's pretty sure everyone knows – let alone jeff.
but there's a difference between that and actually saying anything. )
yes. a lot. probably my entire life if i'm honest.
so the whole 'hes fallen for someone else and it's actually just a different you' reveal wasn't exactly nice.
but that's not his fault, and i took it out on him anyway. i guess i'm just mad because i thought well i don't know what i thought.
do you feel like it makes you some kind of consolation prize? or like whatever happens he'll always be comparing you to some other version of you? because
[ Now it's Jeff's turn to DOT-DOT-DOT as he tries to figure out what he should say here, how much he should spill about what he knows of the situation.
Would it be betraying Richie? Or is he totally not helping anything by trying to stay all hands-off while these two sort things out themselves??
WOULD HE MAKE THINGS WORSE BY SENDING THIS MESSAGE?? Or is it a big "DUH" moment that means noth--
Fuck it, send: ]
i don't think you have to worry about living up to Other Eddie i think where Richie's concerned, Other Eddie had to worry about living up to you
( eddie has all the subtlety of a sledgehammer and yet HE STILL FEELS UNCOMFORTABLY SEEN RIGHT NOW
good thing he's working valiantly to not remember this come morning)
i could have been talking about someone else.
( he really couldn't )
i just feel like maybe that's why things are so hard. maybe i missed my shot, and that's fine. it's not his fault the there was literal universe-hopping things at foot. but obviously him and eddie 1.0 had this whole thing and just
he was in love with him. how can i compete with that?
do you really want me to pretend we're talking about someone else here?
[ COME ON, BUDDY.
And, fuck, reading that next part makes him wince. It takes him back to coming by Richie's place, after Eddie 1.0 left, and just... trying to keep his head above water.
Richie'd said something like that, too. Missing his shot with Eddie. Because, back home, Eddie's...
Ahhhh. Shit. ]
Eddie i really don't think you missed your shot
i think and just hear me out! don't start shaking your head before you have a chance to REALLY stop and think about what I'm about to say here!
but I think the whole thing he had with the other Eddie was more about you than you realize
don't worry about competing with yourself maybe think about what you and Other Eddie might've had in common
[ Is that... a clear enough hint that Richie loves you??? PLEASE DON'T MAKE HIM COME OUT AND SAY IT. ]
( he's absolutely already shaking his head jeff how did you know )
i don't want to have anything in common with him. ( missing the point 101 with eddie kaspbrak ) half the problem is all these people knowing my business without me having a chance to decide if i want to tell them. it's so fucking creepy having strangers come up to you with like intimate personal details about your life. so i was already mad at other eddie about that and then i found out about this and it's just bullshit it's not fair
( probably a little childish – he feels childish, but then eddie also feels a tiny bit like he's maybe earned the right to sulk. how many people were beaten to their dream man by themselves? )
it doesn't matter anyway, i was an asshole to him. richie, i mean. i get why he didn't tell me now but i was so pissed at the time and i just took it out on him.
[ And it lends some valuable context here, because Jeff can only imagine how resentful he'd feel in Eddie's shoes. FUCK HYPOTHETICAL OTHER JEFF, THAT ASSHOLE. ]
ok so you were an asshole to him that sucks and you're right it's not fair it's not fair that some other you got to have all those things you wanted with Richie first
but BUT!
[ RICHIE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU. THIS YOU THE YOU I AM TALKING TO RIGHT NOW HE LOVES YOU, EDDIE KASICANNOTSPELL YOUR LAST NAME BUT HE LOVES YOU JESUS CHRIST DUDE JUST TELL EACH OTHER ALREADY SO WE CAN GO ON SOME FUCKING DOUBLE DATES--
That felt good to type. Now Jeff deletes it. ]
you love him right? Then don't use this as an excuse to give up on what you guys could have together because i promise you it won't be a rehash for Richie
you two could still have something unique and special if you do the scary thing of talking to him instead of running away (and trust me man I've got sooo much experience running away!)
( the world doesn't fall apart! the ceiling doesn't cave in! everything doesn't come crashing to an abrupt, savage end, and honestly eddie can't quite believe it.
it's not the same as saying it out loud – it's lightyears away from saying it to richie – but it's a pretty huge step all the same. )
you can't tell him. or anyone. finding this stuff out second hand is seriously the worst, he can't know. not until i tell him anyway. whenever that will be.
i still have to apologize first. if he'll even accept that.
it really works out sometimes? just...putting yourself out there?
[ Holy shit Eddie did it. The madman finally did it. He said the words! That's progress, right? Jeff will take whatever win he can get here.
And he's proud of you, Eddie! It probably took a lot to type that out, when just minutes ago he'd tried to deny they were talking about Richie at all... ]
i won't tell him or anyone oh wait! except for Peter! can I tell Peter? no no sorry no That's yours to say!
but you do have to apologize yeah and whatever happens, however he takes your apology, it's out of your hands and I totally get how fucking scary that is
sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't I think it'll work out for you but even if it doesn't... you're better off if you give yourself the chance at closure. and Richie deserves a chance to have his say too
[ And now it's time for a STORY to bring this all home ]
you know i used to date this guy a LONG fucking time ago we were totally in love and had all these big dreams about our future together at least until i got scared like usual and ran away, totally ghosted him like an asshole i still regret it. not breaking up with him, I don't regret that. but the way i did it... I never gave him a chance to tell me how he was feeling or if he was scared too no closure, nothing even if we weren't destined to be together and things were never gonna work out anyway it's a shitty thing to do to someone you care about
and the stupid thing is I almost did it again here to Peter i was so tempted to wreck everything and run away again! the thought of like coming back and apologizing? that was fucking terrifying because what if he decided he was done with me and my bullshit and I was way too much drama and why would he even want a total fucking disaster like me...
but this time I gave him a chance so i came back and apologized and opened up to him even though I knew there was a chance he wouldn't accept it and wouldn't you know! it worked out ;)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
i didn't even check the ingredients list first.
ask again in a couple of weeks maybe i'll be ready then.
( actually he would very much like to stay off track, but considering he started the conversation in the first place that's probably not an option...
...besides, maybe he wants to talk a little. )
at least he wasn't your "best friend"
someone
someone told me that he was involved with someone
and it's just stupid i don't understand how there was a different version of me just running around doing all the things that i wanted to do but first and without it all blowing up his face
and i can't yell at myself so i just ended up getting mad at that person instead.
no subject
[ BUT JSYK... Jeff's holding you to this and there's definitely going to be a meditation date in a couple of weeks. ]
oh
fuck
maybe it wasn't as easy as it seemed for him either
maybe he was here for a long time and it took a lot of work to build himself up to trying all these things you wanted to do
like...
maybe it's a sign that things won't blow up for you either?
sorry. you're probably not looking for optimism and silver linings right now
you don't have to answer but
that someone he was with
is that someone you want to be with too? is that why you got mad?
[ Because, look, Jeff can certainly infer a lot right now, but he'd rather have Eddie tell him whatever he's comfortable with before launching into any deep dives about THE RICHIE THING.
If this is about Richie.
Which he's, like, 95% sure it is.
But, as they say: to assume is to make an ass of u and me! ]
no subject
( there's a lot of dot-dot-dots cycling as eddie writes about a thousand versions of the same response. he feels so loud about his feelings for richie, he's pretty sure everyone knows – let alone jeff.
but there's a difference between that and actually saying anything. )
yes.
a lot. probably my entire life if i'm honest.
so the whole 'hes fallen for someone else and it's actually just a different you' reveal wasn't exactly nice.
but that's not his fault, and i took it out on him anyway.
i guess i'm just mad because i thought
well i don't know what i thought.
no subject
because
[ Now it's Jeff's turn to DOT-DOT-DOT as he tries to figure out what he should say here, how much he should spill about what he knows of the situation.
Would it be betraying Richie? Or is he totally not helping anything by trying to stay all hands-off while these two sort things out themselves??
WOULD HE MAKE THINGS WORSE BY SENDING THIS MESSAGE?? Or is it a big "DUH" moment that means noth--
Fuck it, send: ]
i don't think you have to worry about living up to Other Eddie
i think where Richie's concerned, Other Eddie had to worry about living up to you
no subject
good thing he's working valiantly to not remember this come morning)
i could have been talking about someone else.
( he really couldn't )
i just feel like maybe that's why things are so hard. maybe i missed my shot, and that's fine. it's not his fault the there was literal universe-hopping things at foot. but obviously him and eddie 1.0 had this whole thing and just
he was in love with him. how can i compete with that?
no subject
[ COME ON, BUDDY.
And, fuck, reading that next part makes him wince. It takes him back to coming by Richie's place, after Eddie 1.0 left, and just... trying to keep his head above water.
Richie'd said something like that, too. Missing his shot with Eddie. Because, back home, Eddie's...
Ahhhh. Shit. ]
Eddie
i really don't think you missed your shot
i think
and just hear me out! don't start shaking your head before you have a chance to REALLY stop and think about what I'm about to say here!
but I think the whole thing he had with the other Eddie was more about you than you realize
don't worry about competing with yourself
maybe think about what you and Other Eddie might've had in common
[ Is that... a clear enough hint that Richie loves you??? PLEASE DON'T MAKE HIM COME OUT AND SAY IT. ]
no subject
i don't want to have anything in common with him. ( missing the point 101 with eddie kaspbrak ) half the problem is all these people knowing my business without me having a chance to decide if i want to tell them.
it's so fucking creepy having strangers come up to you with like intimate personal details about your life.
so i was already mad at other eddie about that and then i found out about this and it's just
bullshit
it's not fair
( probably a little childish – he feels childish, but then eddie also feels a tiny bit like he's maybe earned the right to sulk. how many people were beaten to their dream man by themselves? )
it doesn't matter anyway, i was an asshole to him.
richie, i mean.
i get why he didn't tell me now but i was so pissed at the time and i just took it out on him.
no subject
[ And it lends some valuable context here, because Jeff can only imagine how resentful he'd feel in Eddie's shoes. FUCK HYPOTHETICAL OTHER JEFF, THAT ASSHOLE. ]
ok
so you were an asshole to him
that sucks and you're right it's not fair
it's not fair that some other you got to have all those things you wanted with Richie first
but
BUT!
[ RICHIE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU.
THIS YOU THE YOU I AM TALKING TO RIGHT NOW
HE LOVES YOU, EDDIE KASICANNOTSPELL YOUR LAST NAME BUT HE LOVES YOU JESUS CHRIST DUDE JUST TELL EACH OTHER ALREADY SO WE CAN GO ON SOME FUCKING DOUBLE DATES--
That felt good to type. Now Jeff deletes it. ]
you love him right?
Then don't use this as an excuse to give up on what you guys could have together
because i promise you it won't be a rehash for Richie
you two could still have something unique and special if you do the scary thing of talking to him instead of running away
(and trust me man I've got sooo much experience running away!)
no subject
i love him. i'm in love with richie.
( the world doesn't fall apart! the ceiling doesn't cave in! everything doesn't come crashing to an abrupt, savage end, and honestly eddie can't quite believe it.
it's not the same as saying it out loud – it's lightyears away from saying it to richie – but it's a pretty huge step all the same. )
you can't tell him. or anyone. finding this stuff out second hand is seriously the worst, he can't know. not until i tell him anyway.
whenever that will be.
i still have to apologize first.
if he'll even accept that.
it really works out sometimes? just...putting yourself out there?
no subject
And he's proud of you, Eddie! It probably took a lot to type that out, when just minutes ago he'd tried to deny they were talking about Richie at all... ]
i won't tell him or anyone
oh wait! except for Peter! can I tell Peter?
no no sorry no
That's yours to say!
but you do have to apologize yeah
and whatever happens, however he takes your apology, it's out of your hands and I totally get how fucking scary that is
sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't
I think it'll work out for you
but even if it doesn't... you're better off if you give yourself the chance at closure. and Richie deserves a chance to have his say too
[ And now it's time for a STORY to bring this all home ]
you know i used to date this guy a LONG fucking time ago
we were totally in love and had all these big dreams about our future together
at least until i got scared like usual and ran away, totally ghosted him like an asshole
i still regret it. not breaking up with him, I don't regret that. but the way i did it...
I never gave him a chance to tell me how he was feeling or if he was scared too
no closure, nothing
even if we weren't destined to be together and things were never gonna work out anyway it's a shitty thing to do to someone you care about
and the stupid thing is I almost did it again here to Peter
i was so tempted to wreck everything and run away again! the thought of like coming back and apologizing? that was fucking terrifying because what if he decided he was done with me and my bullshit and I was way too much drama and why would he even want a total fucking disaster like me...
but this time I gave him a chance
so i came back and apologized and opened up to him even though I knew there was a chance he wouldn't accept it
and wouldn't you know! it worked out ;)