inbox: duplicity

[bardish]

Hey! This is Jeff-- which you probably knew already... I'm not here right now! Uh, you probably already knew that, too. So... Leave a message?

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[bardish]

[ Smithereens all the way, baby! ]

that's very sweet of you to say but don't worry about my self worth it totally exists! 😉

[ The emoji makes it look more legit, right?

...okay, so it's possible that Jeff is about as good at lying as an actual golden retriever would be, if it could talk.

And-- hang on! Wait. Rewind. He needs to read that offer a few times, trying to process it fully. ]

wait
what
guest house?
like an ENTIRE HOUSE with its own bathroom that isn't shared with a bunch of other people and covered in mildew and hair???

Holy shit that is so generous. I mean yes! I can? I can make it work. But I also feel guilty accepting, like what if there's someone who needs it more and I don't even know how to begin paying you guys back and gosh this is overwhelming

[unforgivably]

Maybe call it confidence.

It's not that generous, and it's slightly rule breaking, so it would be our little secret.

We also have a guest bedroom if that feels less overwhelming. No payment necessary. You'd have your own bathroom you could keep clean. Or, cake on your own mildew.

Don't mildew up our bathroom.

Just say yes, Jeff. Kiss your low rent squalor goodbye. Oliver gets adopted, and not by the equally low rent hooker.

[bardish]

confidence! Yeah that thing

[ Okay... Jeff takes a moment, trying to quickly weigh the pros and cons-- which, honestly, the only major con he sees is the risk of getting busted by the authorities.

The pros? Getting out of the motel, getting some stable living conditions, being around people whose company he enjoys and who don't seem to mind looking out for him... Yeah, this is a no brainer. It's a gift horse he really doesn't need to look in the mouth. ]

I swear I will clean up the bathroom SO MUCH! you have no idea how crazy that hotel has been making me
I mean it's so gross it's like living in a college dorm without the benefit of getting a solid (if overpriced) education out of it
I think. i mean tbh i never did the dorm living thing...

ANYWAY! sorry i'm getting carried away, totally distracted [ Tangents. Jeff's greatest weakness. ] that's a yes. I'm in
I'll be like that cat you keep in secret even though your lease says no pets

[unforgivably]

Were you the townie who lived off campus?

Come by tonight, then. We'll properly wine and dine you and show you to your accommodations.

[bardish]

the late bloomer. I didn't want to room with a bunch of wide eyed kids as a grizzled old 20something

wine and dine? Man I'm getting the royal treatment! it's a date

[unforgivably]

If you were grizzled and old you really Benjamin Buttoned your way into something.

It's not a date.

[bardish]

it's funny though
when you're young those few years of difference TOTALLY feel like decades

[ At least they did to Jeff, being 20-something and fresh from LOADS OF TRAUMA. ]

dude don't worry, total joke! I'm not looking for dates here

[unforgivably]

And here I thought decades feel like decades. What do I know?

You'll get them. Hook-ups. Dates. Unwanted orgies. Welcome to Duplicity.

[bardish]

decades feel like a few short years! that's how they lull you into a false sense of security as you age

is there a way to opt out of the orgies? That's a lot of pressure, man...

[unforgivably]

I wasn't able to, and I'm usually king of the opt out. But, I managed to not bang everyone. It's the little things.

Too much pressure for your decades?

[bardish]

there's only so many people I can handle at once before i get overwhelmed
it's like sexual adhd!

[unforgivably]

And something tells me you're more a one person guy.

[bardish]

you know those decades we were talking about?
That's about how long it's been since the last time i've even wanted a threesome
or moresome!

[unforgivably]

Morethanyoucanhandlesome!

( But that's also sex with Damon, too. More than he could handle. )